Tuesday, July 7, 2009

the new sensorium, the new me

so, for the past couple of days i have been thinking... and thinking hard. i've been rather lazy for the past month which could have to do with the fact that my boyfriend of five years and i are no longer together, that i do not have a car, and that i still do not have a steady job because the economy is brutal and the world hates me. i don't know if it is because i just started volunteering in the costume and textile dept. at the pma that i suddenly realized that i should be devoting my summer to developing my artistic skill and adding to my portfolio, which has - let's just face it - not happened at all so far. Or maybe it has just been my sudden re-emergence into the world of textile design blogs that i let sit in the back of my brain. Whatever it is that has woken me up from my laziness, it made me think of what i need to do.

i need to loose weight. i need to eat healthier. i need find my retainer because my teeth are creating a gap again, and while i'm at it, i need to whiten my teeth too. i need to reawaken my creativeness and start documenting everything around me so i have constant inspiration and ideas. i need to start sketching again. i need to get the rest of my things out of my boyfriend's apartment. i need to start really painting and creating prints like i said i would, for my portfolio. i need to experiment with the jacquard dyes i bought, soon - like i said i would. i need to clean out my pile of junk, old design projects from freshman year, and consolidate my art supplies in the basement. i need to spin yarn again, i miss it. i need to starting working on my fellowship for iceland. i need to get financial aid and loans ready for this year. i need to keep busy. i need a car. i need a job. i need an apartment in the city so i can be close to school in the school year. i need to re-work this blog. i need to tell a certain someone how i feel. i need to realize a lot of things- especially about myself -one of them being that i can not experience life the way i am living it now. i need to tell myself that this is not just a wish list, but that it will all be checked-off by the end of the summer if i really want it to.

ahhh, ok. so, yes i have been thinking a lot since thursday, (these things being only a few) and i would like to start fresh and get motivated again to start working on my portfolio or just polishing my skill. i have a lot of things that i want to try and keep up with and hopefully i can handle it. the summer really seems to drag you down and keep you away from doing anything remotely productive. in the near future i am most likely going to begin posting more frequently again and the content of future posts will be of a higher quality and better understanding - hopefully. so, wish me luck and you shall see me again soon.


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